Self-Check for your romantic relationship

Do you ask yourself, how good your romantic relationship is? If the problems are within a normal scope or if it is time to work on them? Maybe it seems even hopeless at the moment or you are confused about the current situation.

On the base of thousands of hours of consultations with couples I created a easy self check for your relationship. You can do it alone. Even better, if you ask your partner to do it too and then you can compare the results and discuss it. Te questionnaire shows the strong sides of your relationship and in what topics you could improve.

Here you can download the test and then print it out. (one page, PDF format)

How to start the questionnaire?

The questionnaire has 4 columns A) – D) to be filled in:

Column A)

Column A) is for yourself. Start with this column. Reflect a short moment, how happy and satisfied you are at the moment in your relationship with each of the topics 1-13. And then pic intuitively a number between 0 and 10. Use all numbers from 0…10.

Some examples as anchor to help you to find the right number:

10 This dimension is perfect in the relationship developed. Totally happy and satisfying.

6 This is not perfect, but OK for now.

3 This topic is rather poor and needs improvement.

0 This is not acceptable, there is no match at all.

Column D)

Next fill in the last column D) for your guess, what your partner thinks about your relationship. Imagine, how your partner would value the points and guess his number.

If your partner is willing to do it too, let him fill out his questionnaire on a separate paper. The other one fills also columns A) and D) the same way as you did.

Column B) and C)

After finishing you can write your partners result from his column A) in your column B) and from his D) into your C).

Done 🙂

How do you evaluate the questionaire?

There is no relationship, that is strong in all dimensions. Every fit has his plus and minus. One relationship is more hot while the other one is more stable. One is supporting and an other one more challenging. One is very close an other one gives a lot of space…. Still it is good to know the strong sides and what has to be further developed.

How satisfied are you with your relationship?

First check out your own numbers in column A)

      • Look out for numbers 8, 9 and 10. This is your strong side, the resource of your relationship, your stronghold.
      • Numbers 5-7 is moderate till good. Maybe there could be a long time improvement, but this is not urgent.
      • Numbers 2, 3 and 4 indicate areas, where improvement is urged needed.
      • Numbers 0+1 indicate, that there could be a crucial problem, that has to be solved

How close are you and your partner?

If your partner did it too, compare his guesses with your guesses. This should be column A) and C)

Check out, how close your numbers are. A distance of 2-3 points is OK. Are there topics, where you have very different evaluation of your relationship? How does this come? You could have different values in this topics. It could be good to discuss this and find out, how to improve the situation for the one with lower grade.

How good do you know each other?

Last you can check your level of closeness and connection with each other. How good do you know about the happiness and content of the other? Compare columns A and B with each other and C with D. Is there a big gap between the guesses? This indicates, that something in your communication does not work. That you do not really know each other so well. Maybe you have not enough time to communicate or you miss skills to deeply understand each other.

What can you do with the results?

If you are not satisfied with the result, take time and talk more with your partner. Communication is the main tool to improve the relationship. Share your feelings, values and needs.

Very different estimation in the topics show, that there is a problem in the way, how you communicate. Obviously you  don’t understand each other or talk past each other.

If you have topics that are in the very low range of 0-2 this is critical and a potential thread to your relationship. You should consider professional couple consultation for support. Bring this questionnaire to the consultation.

Couples therapy helps to gain clarity and a new perspective and get moving. If your relationship needs maintenance or you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me!

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