After my experience of leading a foster home with more than 50 children and working with many therapists, my opinion on this question is quite clear: in about 90% of cases, I work with the parents, grandparents, or other adults responsible for raising the child.
Why?
1. Power to change.
Adults simply have more freedom and possibilities to make changes.
2. Relationship and time.
I don’t have a natural relationship with your child—nor do I want to spend a lot of your time (and money) building one. You, as parents, already have both: daily contact and time. This gives you the power to influence your child’s happiness, well-being, development, and behavior every single day—Monday to Sunday. At the same time, you can strengthen the parent–child relationship, which is beneficial for the entire family.
3. Effectiveness.
If I support you in solving your child’s problems, you’ll keep this ability for life. Next time, you may not need a consultation at all—or maybe just a short check-in—because your parenting skills have grown.
Most children calm down and develop normally when parents take the right actions and make the right decisions. Whatever challenges you face in your family, I recommend that you contact me first—without your child.
Of course, there are exceptions. Sometimes young people need support to master a developmental step or overcome a specific difficulty. In those cases, it’s often best to work with the child independently after an initial session with the parents.
In our first meeting, we’ll discuss the different possibilities and decide together what best fits your situation.